Day 3

Day 3 sucks!  Sucks I tell you!  I thought I was clear from withdrawal symptoms and they've only just begun!  I was fine until I went to check on my mom.  She wasn't feeling well and I was worried about her so I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and check on her and use her computer to journal day 3. Her internet pissed me off so bad.  I could get to my blog but it wouldn't allow me to add a post.  Some jackass repair guy changed all her settings and you cannot even Google!  Arrgghhh!  And so it begins.

I drove off and my heart is racing and I'm raging pissed.  I'm salivating and the back of my throat has an annoying film.  My salivary glands coating the soft tissue of my mouth to protect it from the poison.  I can practically taste it!  A nice icy cold blend of Aspartame and liquor are just the medicine I need to calm me down and everything would be fine.  My kidneys joined my body's preparation now.  When my body releases the hormones when I'm anxious my kidneys begin to throb.  I can physically feel the pre game warm up.  My throat is burning as if I've taken that first burning sip.  God help me this is hard!  If I didn't take an Antabuse on my way home I'd so take the projectile vomiting and violent shakes as a side effect just to have one more drink.  Why can't I just have one more?  Why?

I guess this question calls for embarrassing reminder number one.  Let me remind you young people out there who only drink if there is a party or on the weekends that it only gets worse!  My first horribly embarrassing alcohol black out was back in 1996.  I went to a party with friends, drove them all home, then I woke up in my friend's NEIHBORS house.  Yes, I admit, I woke up on a Sunday to a nice family having Sunday breakfast with grandma.  According to them I walked in a stumbled around, folded all their laundry in their laundry room, and passed out on their living room floor.  They covered my in a blanket and provided me with a puke bucket.  I used to laugh about the laundry to cover the humiliation I felt.  They went to my church!  Their daughters went to my high school!  It could've been a house full of drunken college guys.  They could've called the cops.  This horrible experience didn't slow my drinking down even a little.  This is another great example of the power of this horrible disease.

I feel better.  The craving went away a little bit but now I feel shame.  Shame is a very common feeling of an alcoholic.  For anyone listening who is thinking about quitting smoking, drinking, drugs, prescription drugs, shopping, or over eating, please talk to your doctor about an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication.  It really helps some huge melt downs.  It does not help cover up the little things that piss you off though.  For instance:

1. I don't understand why we had to suffer so bad in the 80's with safety pins and denim!  We were actually late for the bus to get them pinned just right.  And God forbid we run out of safety pins.  It's frustrating that it took 30 years for designers to come out with skinny jeans!
2. Oh, and anyone who fell for the new Snuggy; it's called a frickin' robe!  Try wearing it backwards!
3. Just an FYI for you teenage boys out there with the 'Cousin It' bangs in your eyes and horse shit posture, you don't look sexy!  The hair actually irritates your acne!  Oh, and BTW, bigfoot shouldn't wear skinny jeans.
4. I could not be anyone's friend, not even via text, if they wore a Bump-It!

Wow!  This e-AA rocks!  I feel better already.  I suggest this exercise to everyone.  Day 3 is really turning around.  I picked up a 12 pack of diet Dr. Pepper, a case of popcorn, the movie 'Up' and I have a date with my 3 1/2 year old.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  For anyone who doesn't know, that is the serenity prayer.