Day 14

Day 14 is technically Day 15 and I keep trying to get caught up with blogging, but I was so tired last night I couldn't even blog.  I had the day off from work Wednesday and I had an appointment with my doctor.  He is the wonderful man that changed my life 15 days ago by listening to my requests, not laughing as I expected him to, and filling my prescription for Antabuse.

I may not have needed the Antabuse, but I had never been so sure of anything in my life when I decided to quit this time.  I didn't want to fail.  I needed a 'quit plan'.  The Antabuse was just insurance in case I want 'just one'.  It doesn't get rid of cravings or make you happy like some quit-smoking drugs will do.  It doesn't sing you to sleep at night.  It's not some magical drug that cures alcoholism.  It just makes you so ill if you do cheat so you won't do it again.  Some have told me it doesn't work. Some have told me stories of people who drank on it and almost died.

I personally believe it works.  I was recently deathly ill after a McDonald's vanilla milk shake a few days ago.  It was the best milk shake I had ever tasted in my life! After inhaling it I tossed and turned in bed for 12 hours.  My stomach was ill, my head pounded, I had chills, then hot flashes, and I couldn't sleep through the night.  I did a personal inventory of everything I had consumed that day.  Nothing was out of the norm, except the milk shake.  Did you know that on average, vanilla contains 36% alcohol?  Ouch!  Some people had claimed to drink while they were on Antabuse.  Bullshit! I believe they didn't take the pill so they could drink.  The bottle of Antabuse doesn't come with a little wizard that jumps out and forces you to take it.  You have to be strong and want to quit to even think about really swallowing it. 

At my follow up appointment my doctor asked me if I had tested the Antabuse.  I told him how I had unintentionally tested it with the McDonalds milkshake.  Apparently, most people actually do test it with a drink or two.  I'm an alcoholic which makes me a natural glutton for punishment, but those fools are just brave!  When I told my doctor I had started to feel as if I didn't need the Antabuse because I was doing so well and haven't had a lot of cravings, he said, "It's only been 2 weeks!"

That was interesting to hear.  In his eyes, it had only been 2 weeks and I was still very early in the stages of recovery.  To me hearing ONLY 2 weeks was almost an insult.  In reality it had been 2 weeks, but it felt like 6 months!  It still feels like I quit drinking ages ago.  I believe each day of sobriety deserves a 'dog year'.  So technically, since I've been sober 15 days I should multiply each day by 7.  This calculates how long it feels like I've been sober; which would be 105.  I will name my new theory 'The Dog Days of Sobriety'.  That is what they are.

When I wasn't serious about sobriety I was so annoyed with the phrase, 'take in one day at a time'.  It makes so much sense now.  I cannot let the 'Dog Days' let me make a foolish decision. In early sobriety you should be careful when situations arise that you haven't been in sober yet.  Going to your first wedding, going on a motorcycle ride and stopping at a bar/restaurant, going fishing, going to a family get-together, sitting on your patio, well basically everything.  I feel so confident and it feels like I've been sober and can handle any situation that comes my way.  When the doctor advised me that I should keep taking the Antabuse for a few months, I think what he was trying to say is; it's okay to be proud of ourselves for each and every day of sobriety but don't let this confidence fool us.  Just take it one day at a time no matter what and be prepared for bumps in the road in the future.

At the end of the day, if you have successfully went without whatever you are trying to restrain from, give yourself a huge pat on the back.  Also, thank the Lord or your higher power and your support system for helping you.