Day 17

I'm going to continue talking about what it is like to be in jail. If you drink and drive you can skip this next section because you'll be able to experience jail yourself eventually. Trust me; no one gets away with it. Everyone eventually gets a DWI or a DUI.

Jail is very structured. You get breakfast at 7, lunch at 12, and supper at 5. There are lock down periods in between. There is also time in between when you can read, play a puzzle, or watch television. Every day starts to feel like the next and pretty soon you lose track of which day of the week it is. Days aren't that bad, it's after 10 o'clock at night, after 'lights out', when jail becomes a whole other world. The first couple of days you catch up on your sleep and it feels great. After you are all caught up with sleep your body begins to ache from the hard slab. You cannot lie on your back because your lower back is so sore. You cannot lie on your side because both hips are bruised. Your stomach is so empty that lying on it makes it feel worse. You toss and turn in discomfort, you try to get comfortable but you cannot. You lie and think of how stupid you are for getting into this nightmare. You cannot stop thinking about getting out. You'll finally drift off and suddenly wake refreshed and realize you only slept for 1 hour and it's still 2 in the morning.

You can hear a pin drop at night in jail. The air is stale and it is very cold. You don't get pajamas in jail. You sleep in the same thing you wore all day and your feet are always cold. You can never get comfortable or warm up. The wool piece of fabric is not long enough to cover your feet so the only way to cover up completely is to curl into a ball. If your roommate snores, too bad. If your roommate cries herself to sleep at night, too bad. A couple times through out the night, the guard will shine a spot light in at you to make sure you are there and behaving.  They usually shine it right at your face.  This is always nice when you're about to drift off.  Many of the inmates will wear nothing or sleep in their underwear and bra.  I'm convinced the male guards shine the light in for a peep show.  Who knows, probably some of the female guards too.

The time goes so slow in jail. It is like being at a job you hate and checking the clock and it has only moved 10 minutes when it feels like hours. There are a few activities you can sign up for if you've been sentenced for longer than a week. You can sign up to go to the library once a week, and you can go to the gym every other day. The library is a 8' by 10' room with tattered books that are very outdated and puzzles with missing pieces. It is a privilege to go there and it feels like a tropical vacation after being confined in the woman's cell block. The gym isn't the typical gym you probably picture. The gym is exactly like a racquetball court with basketball hoop on each end. It's not full regulation court size by any means, but you can run in circles if you need exercise. There is one basketball for 12 woman to share. It'd probably be more fun banging your head against the wall.

The next privilege you get in jail is a shower every couple of days. You must sign up for them and if you want a razor to shave, it comes with a special guard to watch you so you don't use the razor for anything other than hair. If you think a hot shower is just what you need to warm those frozen tootsies, think again. The shower is in the main community room. It's just concrete block on three sides and the open side faces everyone sitting in the main room. There's a flimsy shower curtain that doesn't shut all the way on either side. The shower head isn't adjustable and there is no temperature control. It's a stainless steel button you push and if you hold it in you get a powerful blast of icy cold water for about 10 seconds. The pressure if insane! You know the famous expression 'don't drop the soap', well it's hard to hold the button with one hand and scrub up with a sliver of hotel soap in the other. You suddenly wish you had soap on a rope. The paper thin shower curtain that already sticks to your skin if you move an inch isn't very heavy so each time the water blasts the pins and needles at you, the curtain gets a gust of wind, just enough to give the mail guard and all your cell mates a show. This is the shower of shame. It is very degrading.

The little hotel soap doesn't last long. Once it's gone it's gone unless you've been sentenced for 2 weeks or longer. This is when you are eligible for commissary. This is a program that allows you to order personal and novelty supplies. You must have an outside source or family member put money into your account so you can purchase these things. You can order shampoo, conditioner, maxi pads, a large comb, paper, colored pencils, 20 ounces of a few soda flavors, mini bags of chips, candy bars, popcorn, or ramen noodles. These are all delicacies in jail. This is why there is a microwave.

Speaking of microwave, id I mention jails are also very sexist? The female populationn including guards is about a tenth of the male population. Not only do the men dominate, but let me tell you what happens when the men’s microwave breaks, or the men’s television doesn't work. They come and take the one out of the woman's cell block. I'm not kidding. It happened on two separate occasions. We went without a television for 26 days because the men are clearly more important.  Blasphamy!

Imagine this...Let's say you get a DWI on a Thursday night and they throw you in jail. Friday's court hearings are overbooked so you get to stay the weekend because you cannot walk out of jail until someone’s either bailed you out or you go in front of a judge. Monday rolls around and you go to court and the judge you get has lost a daughter because of drunk driving,  he reschedules for Friday just to make an impression. Now you've been in jail Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, let's say you get your period Sunday, and it's Monday. Now you've got a major headache, PMS, horrible cramps, and you cannot see a judge until FRIDAY! Here's the fun part. You don't get drugs in jail so you cannot take anything for your cramps or head. You haven't been in for 2 weeks or even sentenced yet so you cannot order maxi pads on commissary. It doesn't matter if you take anxiety medication or heart medication or thyroid medication.

Once you get sentenced and you know you're in for good, then they allow the paperwork to make such arrangements. The jail staff does not have you in their best interest so they'll get to the paperwork when they get to it; and you know how long any request takes at the doctor. You could be hunched over with a migraine headache, the worst cramps you've ever had, your thyroid could be off so you could be freezing to death on top of it, not to mention your heart is borderline stroking out and you are furious and crying with anxiety. All the while you are literally sitting in a pool of blood because you cannot get maxi pads until next week. It doesn't matter! The law is the law. If you break it, you pay the price. There are no exceptions. It doesn’t matter if you are married to the president of the United States. It doesn't matter who your parents are, how much money you have, or if your child is home alone. It doesn't matter if you work full time, if you have an infant, or if you're diabetic. If an emergency arises, too bad! If someone you love goes to the hospital or dies, there are no exceptions! If you do the crime, you do the time.

You don't learn any of this in school. These are street smarts you learn by experience. I think they need to educate children about the severity of the consequences for breaking the law. There are so many things we never knew and I can promise you I wouldn't have done many of the things I've done in my life had I known the consequences. Unfortunately, this is one thing I still wouldn't have been able to control. You know how I know this? This disease and addiction are so powerful, that I'm describing my second DWI experience here!  My second! It's disgusting. I'm disgusting. I am so upset with myself just thinking about it!

It gets worse. Let me tell you about my entire punishment for my second DWI. I sat 46 days in jail, 25 days of house arrest with the alcohol monitor, and spent over $7,000. I went to outpatient alcohol treatment for 6 weeks Monday through Friday from 6:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. I had 12 weeks aftercare that was every Wednesday night from 6:30 to 9:30. I continued with 2 years of AA and probation. I actually paid a lawyer $2,000 for this package!

None of that matters anymore. It used to make my blood pressure go up just thinking about it. What really makes me angry is that I would continue to drink after all of this. I just don't understand it.  Why?  I wish I could understand.