Thank you for the comments. Once again you guide me in the right direction and help me. As I've said before, this blog is such great therapy, but I've recently found 2 more therapeutic aids it provides. I analyze everything! You wouldn't think so with my history of decision making, but I do. Lately I've been down on myself about my past and I've been thinking, "Maybe I don't have a disease and I've just taken this long to grow up. Maybe I'm just extremely slow or even mentally challenged. Normal people get their college degree before their 24 years of age and pursue their clean wholesome lives by 28 and people like me just admire them when they turn 30." So these are the kind of thoughts that cross my mind. Then as I sat here this morning thinking of what topic to cover for Day 20, I checked my comments. My mom gives great commentary as usual and makes me feel better with Tim McGraw quotes. Then my father jumps in and totally justifies everything by stating that Jesus didn't start his public career until age 30!
I'm definitely not comparing myself to Jesus by any means, but that sure made me fell MUCH better. Its wonderful reminders like this that put life in perspective. I guess now that I think about it, it makes sense. For instance, I don't have a regular doctor. I go to huge clinic where doctors come and go. Every doctor I've ever liked and became comfortable with has left the clinic. I have this way about me. My alcohol treatment counselor, about a dozen doctors, interesting... Anyways, when I call the clinic to schedule my annual physical they ask me who I see. I usually reply, "Whoever you give me." Then when they say what date I would like I reply, "I don't care about the date, I just prefer a middle aged woman who is a little overweight." When they laugh I always reassure them that I'm serious and Walla, I get my appointment.
The reason I have these preferences is I once had and anal probe down years ago by a beautiful 5'3" size 2 fresh out of her residency and I about had a heart attack. It may have had I little bit to do with the pre colonoscopy appointment probing which included something that looked like a speculum with a flash light attached. I swore at that moment I'd die of colon cancer before I ever go there again. I also pledged it was the LAST time I let some child experiment on me.
Point of story with TMI, (for you old codgers out there that's texting short hand for Too Much Information :))
with age comes wisdom. I can go to bed tonight without thinking I'm just an imateur late bloomer. Thank you mom and dad.
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My day by day journey of sobriety.
Please respect my privacy. This is E-Alcoholics Anonymous (e-AA). If you wish to make a comment and know who I am, please keep my identity anonymous. Thank you.
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- I am the wife of an amazing man who has been diagnosed with cancer. I would like to use this blog as a tool to help keep people informed with strictly the facts. WARNING: There may be some feelings and emotions involved also. Please be advised that this will aid as my 'voice' when I cannot speak.
13 comments:
But you are Blooming. And that is Awesome and beautiful. Yea!
Careful, I'll start calling YOU the "fragile flower sent from heaven". ;) Congrats on another milestone - 20 days!
Thank you for the thank you! You know if it was easy more people would be doing it. Quitting drinking, quitting smoking, quitting overeating, quitting gambling, quitting the many demons we have. But it is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life. OMG Day 20, you should be giving yourself pats on the back like I am giving you right now. Can you feel it? I am going to read a few lines once again from "Live like you were
Dying" forwarded from Tim McGraw.
The greatest journeys begin with a single step. Sometimes that first step is the magical leap a dream takes from the dark, silent depths of your heart to the brilliant light and sound of the spoken word.
Some say that once Spoken, a sound never dies. Like ripples on a pond from a tossed stone, it reverberates on and on, back and forth, forever. That sound vibrates, spreads out, touches, finds resonance and harmonies, sets events in motion.
Today, take the first step of the long journey and make your dreams known by giving them voice, substance, reality. After this, neither you nor your world will ever be the same again.
There you go, you took that first step;
You have spoken (in your blog;
You may not realize it yet, or we may not realize it yet, but I truelly believe that you have started something here. Not only are you helping yourself but I have a feeling you are going to get a band wagon of people following you when they reach that point in there lives that you luckily reached. And then they will thank YOU for being their inspiration. I have always believed everything happens for a reason. Once again I love you and God's Blessings to you lil girl.
I've always had a love-hate feeling for those people like you who 'dare-to-do'. Although not always with the best results, you people run off with a cousin and sell stuff to students on college campuses. You winter near the ocean in a house full of guys and B.J.Betty. Some of us always wanted to jump on a slow moving train and ride it to whereever and we never had the guts to...but you people do it. While we are safely getting married, having kids and buying a house...you see the world. And so what if it takes you longer to get married, kids, house....you tasted victory and defeat. Dont be too down on yourself about the past, some of it had to be great fun, with revelations, interesting people, etc. I wish I would've had the guts.
I love your folks, they are truly awesome! Thanks for always being there!
One Old Feller is right-I always feel regret for not going to college and getting a "degree" to make more money-I struggle with that alot but then I look at some of my brothers friends who did do the college thing-spent all that money on tution and their NOT doing what they went to college for- hey at least I didn't spend the money!;) I at least had fun and worked-slept in and didn't stress about midterms- you are who you are surviour stand up and be proud of what you've accomplished in life-look at your beautiful daughter who loves you! Don't dwell on the past look into the future-I mean SOBER future! Way to go for getting to day 20-you are a rock star!
jgoogs, I agree with you completely. Don't dwell on the past beyond understanding that is the past and no longer defines us. We r who we are and working on loving who we r is a huge MUST! And what a greater accomplishment than having children and making positive changes in our lives to be fantastic examples for our children. Nothing is worse for a child to have horrible memories from childhood. Survivor, your daughter will remember her sober, motivated, positive, and loving mommy. Things r looking up and not down for Survivor and we can all strive to follow her example.
PS---Happy Birthday to YOU! Your family in the Orient loves you so much & would give you a giant birthday hug if we could. Give our niece/cousin the biggest kisses for us too today and tell your hubby we miss him too!!!! TTYL (that's one for dad to add to his "wtf?!?!?" list). lol!
Happy Birthday! Hey 31 isn't so bad...I'm almost 2 weeks in and I've survived so far. :)
I am so proud of you and so inspired by your writing. You are a very talented woman in so many ways and I've always admired you for that (and been a little envious). Let this year be one of reflection, renewal, and rebirth. Give yourself the birthday present of being present every day. Cheesy I know, but noticing the little things that we're grateful for as they're happening is very powerful. Ask Oprah. lol
Celebrate like crazy!!!
Hugs,
H
P.S. You rock that minivan you cougar! Rrrraaarrr...
Happy Birthday little sis. My internet keeps going in and out so I'm keeping this short and sweet. I am proud of you. You have such beautiful insights about life. I look forward to reading what you have to say. We all love you.
Happy Birthday, thanks for making me a Mommy 3rd time around. You know how much you love your daughter; well that is how much I love all my girls.
By the way, that old feller (hi old man...hee hee) is right on. You do all the stuff that we were all too chicken to do. You took the time to experience life. Now we are excited about you using those experiences and sharing with us. I love seeing how you've grown. Here's a couple cute memories I have of you: I remember pushing you in our tire swing when you were a baby while you held a baby bunny, I remember the times you'd help us pick cat poop out of the sandbox, I remember the time lost in translation taught you how to eat dog/cat treats and I caught you guys eating them under the kitchen sink...See you've always lived on the wild side! LOVE YA!
Was that the baby bunny she almost choked to death cuz she was too little and didn't know you shouldn't love something so much that you almost squeeze it to death?
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