Day 8

I'm going to use Day 8 to catch up to where I'm really at in my recovery, which is Day 9.  I started hand writing a journal in a bound book on Day 1.  My hand got sore and it frustrated me and I wanted to take a break and have a cocktail.  That is when I had this epiphany.  Why don't I type this journal for the whole world to see!  Then I will have no excuses!  And so by the power of the internet, I created 'Confessions of an alcoholic'.  To be completely honest with you, I feel like I haven't been completely honest with you.  Every day has felt like a lie.  Every day I was really on the next day of my recovery.  And when you 'take it one day at a time', every day is such a milestone.  So today I set the records straight.  Today is really Day 9.

Just an FYI for those of you who didn't understand, appreciate, or laugh at Day 8; thank you.  If you thought it was a little ridiculous I did my job and painted the picture I was hoping you all could see.  Addiction is random. Anything can trigger a craving at any given moment.  It can be as obvious as a billboard with your favorite drink on it, or it can be buried in your subconscious as an old memory.  You could see a lady bug and crave a drink.  That lady bug could have sparked a memory of a time when you were having a romantic picnic on a warm summer day and the sun was shining through the flute as the man of your dreams poured the champagne into it; as he leaned toward you a lady bug landed on his nose and you both chuckled, then he whispered in your ear, "Wanna...."  Get the picture?

The way I look at it, there are sensors in your brain that lead to a place called temptation.  Temptation leads to addiction, and addiction leads to alcoholism.  When something major is thought about, whether good or bad, your body releases a hormone, endorphins, adrenaline, dopamine, or some sort of 'juice' that leads your thought down the path toward  temptation.  The average person has a conscious and good decision making skills to steer the thought away from temptation.  Someone who hasn't experienced temptation, until they've learned about consequences, will travel down the path once or twice.  The type of person who who has an addictive personality may let it go as far as addiction, consequence, then learn.  The person with a chemical dependency problem or a disease has a tough time steering the thought in the right direction and it goes right to the source.  This is my 'Alcoholics 101'.  It took years of studying to come up with this equation.

So again, something as simple as a poster of coke can get three areas of the brain tickin'.  Temptation, addiction,  and the alcoholism sections start sending off signals that make your body get a warm feeling and you begin to salivate, think about the 'good' memories, and the cravings begin.  This is when I get a physical and mental work out.  I have to fight with the devil on my shoulder telling me it's okay.  Then I have to make a conscious decision that I'm not going to let this temptation lead to an action.  After making excuses, blaming, and almost talking yourself into a reason why it'd be okay to have that drink, your secret weapon steps in.  Not every addict or alcoholic has one, but if they don't they really should find one.

I'm talking about your 'Higher Power'.  In the 12 step program, there are 12 steps to recovery or serenity.  Step 2 talks about surrendering to a 'Higher Power'.  Step 2 - Came to believe that only a  Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  This can be anything or anyone you believe in.  In my case, it is God.  God is my secret weapon who grabs the steering wheel when I let go and give up or cannot take it anymore.  God steers it to the place he believes will help me.  God works in mysterious ways.

I feel the need for Psalm 23:  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want, something about green pastures; He guides me by still waters.  He restores my soul.  He leads me in the right path for his Name's sake.  For you are at my side; with your rod and your staff I fear no evil.  You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.  Only goodness shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall swell in the house of the Lord for years to come.  Wow!  That's all I can remember.  I'm a little rusty but it'll get better.  The Lord is my Shepherd! 

So go out and find yourself a Shepherd to guide you.  Every tool helps.  Later today, I'll blog Day 9 and then I'll be caught up.  Talk to you all later.

Thank you for listening.